love… i never want to hear that word again
Is love conditional? I cannot believe that love exists only for material gain. There is a higher love – I have seen it, in my own heart. It is called true love, and it asks nothing more than to be accepted.
She walked through
my dreams last night. Though this time she held herself much differently –
walked in a way I had never seen before. She told me of her life, of her
dreams, and her plans for the future - of which I knew nothing. Have I really
been away so long? I woke confused; not knowing which pieces of her life I had
dreamed and which were real.
And I want to.
More than anything,
I want to know her again - to be a part of her life. I need to be close to her,
and now there is already much distance between us. It must come soon, before
the gap between our hearts grows even more.
She says she is
ready to listen.
(Finally ready to
hear what I have to say.)
But, now that her
ears are open, my lips have no power. It has all been said before – many times
over, and, is this not all that I was asking for in the first place – to be
heard, to be given just a small chance? In being accepted, I have already been
heard.
We can do this…
baby steps.
2004.12.28
* * * * *
She is listening.
But somehow the words will not come. There is so much to say, but no matter
what I speak there will always be something left unsaid. How can I possible fit
what I feel into hurried syllables? If I spoke to her ten years I could never
describe what I wanted to express. For this, I need her close to me; just to
hold her for a moment saves my tongue a thousand words, just to kiss her could
keep me silent forever. If only she could read my heart like a book, I would
need never to speak again.
I was reminded last night of
the first time with her, the first time my eyes saw her, the first time we were
together. On that day, my life was changed forever. At that moment – I knew
something was to come – though I did not know what.
Perhaps it has been
a while since I have said so, but I still believe….
(Love is life.)
But what can you do
when all you really want to do is love someone - not just anyone, but a very
certain someone, but that person is so far away? How can you tell them this so
that they really understand, and what can you do to ease the pain if they
cannot?
2005.01.16
* * * * *
“Do you really
want to go to Paris now?”
“No, but I must
see her.”
“And you are
really going only for the weekend?”
“Even if I had to travel from China to spend only one day with her, I would do it. Every moment with her is worth it, no matter at what cost.”
2005.02.03
