true love
I stepped out into the cool darkness alone. She waited in the doorway to bid me farewell, and didn’t dare brave the winter air in her nightclothes.
"It was so wonderful to see you again," she said "come back anytime."
I wasn’t sure that she meant that at all, but I decided to accept anyway. Weather it was wonderful to see me I don’t know, for we spoke perhaps less than ten minutes throughout my entire visit. As far as the invitation to come back anytime,’ I am almost positive she didn’t mean that for it was my understanding it was on her behalf that I was to leave.
It wasn’t important now. I was leaving forever and she had done nothing to stop me. As usual, I had shown up unexpectedly hoping to spend a few days with her; something special – for us. The problem is, there really is no us anymore. She has moved on and I have not. I am still gasping for air, searching for something to hold onto, while she has long since caught her breath and started the next lap.
Out in the garden, the cold surrounded me and I reached to tighten my scarf. My breath turned to white clouds and lingered in the still night. As I walked, the empty sound of my steps drilled holed in my already battered heart. It was the sound of a man slowly approaching his fate, slowly accepting that he was alone now, and that this is how it would end.
Completely still a stone girl was dancing in the shadows. I settled under the ancient olive tree where I would now sleep. It seemed too appropriate. This is where we had first kissed, where we had decided our love was forever, and ultimately where the final punctuation would be placed.
It was coming soon now, I could feel the cold taking me. I had a strange feeling now, like the one that falls when the church bells mark the hour and somehow time stands still. And, when you look around you can tell everyone around you can feel it too. Even the cars and the noises of the city seem to cease, if only for a moment.
I have felt this way before. Lying on her breast at night listening to her heart beat. A thousand years could pass between each beat and I wouldn’t notice, it wouldn’t matter because in that moment I had lived more than any other. Now, the next beat lingers a little more. And each after more than the last, until finally the next never comes.
There is only silence, the sounds has put me gently to rest. This is true love.
*
It is Sunday morning now. The church bells are ringing. Completely still, a stone girl is dancing. Completely silent, the old olive tree continues its ascent to heaven.
- October 31, 2004
