this is my present
It will be as if, in place of the stars, I had given you a great number of little bells that knew how to laugh.
I search for love and companionship, yet when I have it I push it away. I long for someone to share my thoughts with, but when there are waiting ears I am silent. Thus, I am constantly alone, constantly aching, and never satisfied.
I must learn to embrace now. I must learn to appreciate what I have when I have it. I must open myself to others.
Any company is better than none. One cannot be picky about with whom he associates, for from everyone there is something to be gained. The true lover realizes there is no one to love, that’s why he is available to anyone who needs him.
Thus, the master is available to all people and doesn’t reject anyone. He is ready to use all situations and doesn’t waste anything. This is called embodying the light.
What is a good man but a bad man’s teacher? What is a bad man but a good man’s lesson? From everyone there is something. Everyone I have ever known has given me something, and I must thank them for this.
I don’t want to thank you for the things you have done as if they are deeds or duties, though. I must only say this because it also is an expression from my heart. Because I am grateful for what each and every person has given me. I say it here now, but it is not enough, for not all can hear. Some never will, and I wish they could.
So, tonight I shall tell the moon, and the stars. In the morning I will tell the sun the same. Thanks for everything; I have no complaint. Each day I will continue in this fashion until my heart is at rest.
.
And then, there is her voice. Finally, after it has been so very long. But it is not really she this time, just a recording. Leave a message, or not? What to say?
There is so much, really, that I would like to tell her. So much left unspoken. But what few words can I write in the sand for her to find later? Some clues, small seashells containing my feelings.
Nothing comes to mind, then the beep and I am too late. Lost again as the tide comes in and washes away what I had written. I leave only footprints as I walk away, mumbling something under my breath just to fill blank space:
I love you.
I miss you.
(And maybe I will see you soon?)
And that’s all. The beach is empty now.
Somehow though, those are exactly the words I wanted to use. Now however, they have no weight. Their meanings have been lost so long ago to endless oceans and endless tides. All smooth and polished from the waves, they sink, unheard, into the darkness.
But there are still the stars. They are still shining my words and thoughts to all the world.
If only I could give her the stars…
